taking a break

maybe it will just be for a few days, maybe a few months. i really don't know. for the last week i've had to deal with something too personal and too painful to post on here.

::edited:: because nothing seems like the right thing to say.

i hate the way i'm feeling right now. i don't want to see the world as ugly and hateful but right now it doesn't seem like such a nice place.

on a more positive note i'm so grateful for the power of prayer and for loving friends.

like salt

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing
inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye

dig yourself a hole

bekka sent this to me from seth godin's blog and it was exactly what i needed.

Make big promises.

Burn your boats.

Set yourself up in a place where you have few options and the stakes are high.

Focused energy and serious intent will push you to do your best work. You have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. (Better than the alternative).

when i was 19 i moved to london on my own. i'd never lived away from home, i'd never been out of the country, i only knew the family i was staying with through a handful of emails but off i went... without a second though.

and here i am years later, wanting desperately to move, to go somewhere new and now there are a thousand little voices in my head saying "but what if it doesn't work out?", "what if you don't find a job?", "what if you find a job and it's worse than the one you have?", "shouldn't you save more money first?", "maybe just wait another month..."

who am i? i've gotten so good at looking before i leap that i leap less and less. i'm afraid i've gotten comfortable in my rut. but that's not even true. i'm very uncomfortable in my rut. i told my home teacher on sunday i was going to stay here for the rest of the year and move in the new year. i didn't sleep a wink that night and had that kittens-drowning-in-my-stomach feeling for the rest of the day.

i think i'm ready. i'm ready to work hard and pray hard and challenge myself. harlow's ready too.

photo by red_one

kate's summer wedding

i'm sure you've seen these by now but i'm just smitten with these wedding photos.

photos by mario testino for vogue

a little paris

i've been waiting for friday all week long. for some reason i haven't been sleeping well and 5 am comes awfully early. a mellow weekend is on the agenda for sure. since i've got france on the brain (nothing new) here's a french inspired wrap up for you.

i love polaroids and paris and polaroids of paris. like the one above. it's by jen. i love everything jen does.

elizabeth put together another playlist. she makes the best playlists. this one is inspired by her time in the south of france.

(that husband of hers makes some pretty awesome mixes too.)

yummy s'mores with a french twist

lindsey's favorite secret spots of paris

i am loving anne's tour de france series.

i thought this post paris fashion: staying chic in the rain might come in handy for october.

and it reminded me of my friend emily's post about the beautiful umbrella she got in paris for her birthday.

i want to have a picnic with jordan - she's an expert at them.

after reading this post i'm dreaming of finding a charming "french" bicycle to bring home with me. i know... i'm probably getting carried away.

and ps - yesterday i spoke to my dear friend natalia, who was my best friend while we were both nannies in london six years ago. she lives in berlin and i'm trying to figure out if i can maybe stay in europe a few days longer and pop over to germany... or maybe meet in paris?? i'd love to see her so keep your fingers crossed.

polaroid by jen gotch

to paris

paris in october... sounds perfect to me. i'm so excited to go back! i'm also excited to experience paris without the 100 + F weather. i love, love, loved staying at mama shelter last year i'd love to stay in a cute, french apartment this time. haven in paris has this charming apartment in Marais... it looks lovely.

top photo by me

bottom two photos are property of haven in paris